SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is an important tool in your child’s development. The way a person views himself affects not only the way the rest of the world sees him, but also how far he will go in life. If a child lacks the self-esteem needed to work towards his goals, they are never going to reach them.

One way children develop their self-esteem is through praise. For children, especially at a young age, this may be one of the only ways they can judge right from wrong. Praising children when they do something right, behave well or even give something their best effort will encourage them to continue acting that way.

Something you might try in your own home to help a child’s self-esteem is setting up a star chart, similar to what many school teachers do. If the child does a good deed or is especially good all day, they get a gold star on their chart. Each time they misbehave, a star is taken away. Set up a certain number of stars the child needs to reach in order to get a special prize like a trip to the park or their favorite dinner.

As your children pursue their goals, they will turn to you for help. Simply praising everything they do will leave them no room for growth, but don’t set them up for disappointment by aiming for perfection either. Instead, set reasonable expectations and goals for improvement. By taking on a method of constructive criticism that reflects the positive aspects of your child’s attempts but also gives suggestions for improvement, you will help them overcome obstacles that may get in the way of reaching their goals as well as give them a healthy self-esteem. Be sure to point out something positive before and after you give suggestions for improvement. Always criticize privately and praise publicly.

When pointing out the negative and the positive at the same time, it is important not to use the word “but,” which will cause your child to focus on only the negative aspect. It puts a wall between what they are doing wrong and how they can improve. For example, compare these two sentences: “Great job finishing all of your homework, but these two questions are wrong.” “Great job finishing your homework. You might want to look these two questions over again.” Do you see how the first sentence seems only to point out the flaw? The second sentence not only offers praise for the homework being done, but it also offers suggestion for improvement.

Letting your children be themselves is an important part of giving them high self-esteem. If you are judging them all the time, they will eventually come to view everyone’s judgment as a dictation of how they should act. They should learn that it doesn’t matter what other people think as long as you believe you are being true to yourself and doing the right thing.

To encourage individuality at a young age, let your children pick out which clothes they want to wear. As long as you make sure it is weather-appropriate, this is a great way for them to express themselves and get a sense of independence. Be sure to praise the great job they did, even if the clothes don’t exactly match. Letting children make harmless decisions when they are young is good practice for real decision making when they are older.

Self-esteem is not something that your children can learn. It is something that needs to be developed and nurtured in order to grow. You don’t want your child thinking he or she is better than everyone else, but having a strong sense of self-esteem in essential to your child’s success in life.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner.  Author Black Belt Parenting "the art of raising your child for success" Master instructor of Action Karate

WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?

A group of rail workers were doing some repairs at a railway station when a train rolled to a stop. The president of the railroad company they worked for stepped off the train, and spotted one of the workers there. “Dave! How great to see you. Why don’t you step into my car for a bit?”

Dave joined the president in his train car, which was fitted with all the modern fixtures and amenities that any person could wish for. The car had heating and air conditioning, a TV, reclining seats and ample legroom. It was twice as large as any of the other cars on the train and the president had it all to himself.

After some time Dave emerged from the train car and his fellow workers rushed at him with questions, demanding to know how he, a mere worker, was on a first name basis with the president of the company. “Jim and I started working for this company on the same day,” Dave replied.

The two men had put in the same number of years with the company, yet one had risen to become president while the other retained pretty much the same position he had on his first day. The difference is that Dave went to work for $1.75, while Jim went to work for the railroad.

Like Jim, we have to take pride in whatever we do. If we try something half-heartedly or settle for good enough, we will never improve. No one can make you give your best effort; that is up to you. You may not like your job, but you’re never going to like it if you don’t do something to change, whether your goal is to move to a higher position or save enough money go after the job you really want.

Your child might not like math, but if he only puts in the bare minimum amount of time he should be studying or doing homework, he will never improve--and he will always hate math.

Sometimes it's hard even putting enough effort into the things we do want to do. If you are exercising to lose weight, build muscle, or just keep yourself healthy, you're never going to improve if you only do the a few reps. You've got to push yourself to your absolute limit.

If your child wants to start on the football team, but he skips practice once a week and barely pays attention when he is there, he's not going to reach that goal. He has to focus his energies in order to see results.

We all know that in life there are things we want to do, and then things we have to do. If you only focus on what has to get done without putting forth your best efforts in whatever you do, you are headed for a life of mediocrity. If you want a great life, you have to be great.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner Master Instructor Action Karate and author of Success Secrets of Black Belt  Masters" For more info call 215.355.5003

EARN 10x MORE: FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE STEPS

It’s that time of year again, the time for New Year’s resolutions. Rather than make some unrealistic proclamation that you know you’re going to forget about by February, why not set a real and achievable goal for yourself, and plan out the steps you will take to reach it?

A great way to help you make and maintain your resolutions is to set SMART goals. SMART is an acronym for the criteria you need to follow when setting and following you goals. It stands for Specific, Measureable, Attainable, Roadblocks, and Timetable.

First, Specific: you want to make your goals as specific as possible. The more detailed the better. Don’t just say you want to lose weight. Say how much weight you want to lose. Say how you’re going to lose it. How many times a week are you going to exercise? For how long? What diet changes are you doing to make? By being specific you not only give yourself a clear vision of you goal, you also lay out the steps you will take to achieve it.

You want to make sure your goal is Measureable. By this I mean you can look back and say definitively whether or not you achieved your goal. If your goal is to spend more time with family, it’s difficult to look back at the end of the year and say whether or not you achieved that. To make your goal more measureable, you might say, “I want to spend three extra hours with my family each week by having a family dinner every Sunday.” At the end of the month, it’s easy to say whether you did that or not. By making goals measureable you give yourself a tool to see if you are staying on track, and an opportunity to decide what to change if you are not.

One of the biggest mistakes people make when setting goals is being to general or by trying to achieve too large a goal all at once. This is how we become easily discouraged. You want to make sure your goals are Attainable, that they are really things you can achieve within the realm of possibility. That’s not to say you should limit yourself; quite the contrary. By setting attainable goals you are setting yourself up for success. For example, your goal for 2013 shouldn’t be getting your PHD if you never went to college. Getting your PHD could be a goal you eventually have, but there’s no way you’re going to achieve that right now. An attainable goal would be to get into a college degree program, or take the necessary exams to apply to a degree program. It’s easier to focus on smaller goals as a means to reaching an end goal than to try to achieve everything at once.

When you’re thinking about ways to keep your resolutions, you also want to consider the Roadblocks that will stand in your way. Consider what will be difficult about the task you have set yourself, not to talk yourself out of it, but to come up with ways around these roadblocks before they actually occur. If your goal is to run a half marathon, but you know you have trouble getting out of bed to go running before work, figure out a way to deal with that roadblock before the alarm is buzzing at 5:30 am, whether that’s running later in the day or buying an incredibly loud alarm clock that you keep on the other end of the room so the snooze button is out of reach. By preparing ahead of time, you’ll be able to deal with obstacles easily and continue on your path to success.

Lastly, you want to set a Timetable within which to complete your goal. This goes hand-in-hand with specificity. You have to put that pressure on yourself to act NOW, or nothing will ever get done. You want to take more vacations… when? In 10 years? When you’re retired? If you say instead I want to take another vacation by the end of the year, now you have a deadline for when to have your funds saved up and a reason to save those vacation days at work. Setting a timetable makes you accountable for taking action.

So when you’re watching the ball drop and thinking about what you want to be doing by the time 2014 rolls around, remember to make sure your resolutions are SMART.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner master instructor of Action Karate and author of Success Secrets of Black Belt Masters. For more info call 215.355.5003

SETTING SMART GOALS

Howard Hill was the greatest archer of all time. He won all the contests he entered. In fact he was so good at hitting the bulls eye with the first arrow, on his second shot he split the first one. Now I think you can beat Howard Hill. 

I know what you are thinking, "How is that possible? He is the best." Well there are a few conditions.  

1.) Have a good breakfast so you'll have energy. 

2.) A few archery lessons so you know the general idea. 

3.) Blindfold Howard Hill, spin him in circles and make sure he's facing the wrong way. 

I am confident you will win! Why? Because if Howard is blindfolded, he can't see the target! 

If you can't see the target you can't hit it. If you don't have a goal you can't achieve it. In class this month we will be working on SMART goals. Adults this is the month for you, goals can help you at home, work, and karate class. 

All new adults are FREE in January at Action Karate Newtown. Do something for yourself! 

GET OUT OF YOUR WAY

Zig Ziglar once said, “Man was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.”  I was at a martial arts seminar one time when the moderator asked, “What is your biggest frustration as a teacher?”  I was fascinated by the various answers; some I agreed with, others not. My answer was, “being able to see greatness in people and not being able to help them see it.”

As a teacher there is nothing more frustrating than seeing unrealized potential and untapped greatness. Inevitably it is the student that quits on themselves that makes me obsess for weeks. What did I say, what didn’t I say, and what could I have said to better serve this person? My years of teaching experience tell me it is always people getting in their own way. It is their self doubt, fear of failure, or even fear of success.

That may sound like an odd thing to be afraid of: success. After all, isn’t that what we are all after, no matter what our pursuits might be? We all want success. Sometimes, however, the thought of actually achieving what you want can be more daunting than the work it took to get there. Sometimes the thought of what to do next after you have accomplished the thing you have poured all your energies into for so long can be so intimidating that we subconsciously self sabotage.

Recognizing our own potential is the first and most essential step towards living it. If you set a goal for yourself but don’t actually believe you can achieve it, you have already given up. Belief in yourself is the foundation upon which you must build all of your endeavors. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else is going to believe in you.

Trees grow toward the sky because that is what trees are meant to do. Storm clouds drop rain across the land because that is what clouds do. Ralph Marston said it best about people: “In short, you are destined to achieve. Get your excuses, fears and doubts out of the way and allow that destiny to fully unfold. ” Think of your end goal as reality; it is what you are meant to do. It is as natural as tress growing or rain falling. Don’t allow room for even the slightest doubt.

How can you help your children to realize their full potential? The best thing you can do for them is to be a source of encouragement and support. Encourage them to try new things, especially if they are outside of their comfort zone. When they fail (or at least perceive that they have failed) point out all of the great elements of their attempt and help them improve in the areas where they are weak. Most of all, help them to have a positive attitude and believe that success is a part of their reality.

For example, say your child is doing poorly in math. For weeks he studies hard, does all the homework, and pays attention in class. After the next test his grades still haven’t improved. He thinks, “I’ll never be good at math.” That attitude alone could be what is keeping him from achieving his full potential. He must think “I am good at math,” before he has the slightest chance of actually being so.

It can be hard at times, but we have to remember to stay out of our own way. Believe that success is a part of your destiny and it will come to you.

Contributed by Master Instructor of Action Karate and Author Solomon Brenner- Black Belt Parenting. To set up speaking engagement please call 215.355.5003

WHO PACKS YOUR PARACHUTE?

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason.

Charles Plumb, a US Naval Academy graduate, was a jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience.

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!"

"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.

"I packed your parachute," the man replied.

Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man grabbed his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"

Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb kept wondering what the man might have looked like in a Navy uniform. He wondered how many times he might have seen him and not even said good morning, how are you or anything, because you see, he was a fighter pilot and the man was just a sailor.

Plumb thought of the many hours that sailor had spent in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he did not know.

Now Plumb asks his audience, "Who is packing your parachute?" Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day.

Plumb also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down. As you go through your week, month, and year, recognize the people who have packed your parachute and enabled you to get where you are today!

Contributed by Solomon Brenner Author of Black Belt Parenting - "The Art of Raising Your Child for Success"

BACK TO SCHOOL TIME!

It’s that magical time of the year again—back to school—and you know what that means: back to bedtimes, homework, school supplies, and hectic schedules. But this time of the year doesn’t have to be scary for parents or kids. All it takes is a little summer preparation to ensure that the road back to school is smooth sailing.

            First thing’s first: remember all those summer mailings you got from your children’s school about book lists, school supplies, activities fees, and health concerns? Pull them out of the drawer and get organized. Mark any important upcoming events, like parent-teacher nights, on the calendar now so you don’t forget about them as things get busier. Make sure school has the forms they need before your kids head back, that way you can concentrate on making sure they are adjusting rather than worry about all the red tape.

            Schedules can get pretty hectic once school starts up again, so take advantage of the relaxed summer schedule while you still can to make any doctor or dentist appointments your child may need. You’ll want to make sure you find out any health issues sooner rather than later. Also, alert the school office as well as your child’s individual teachers about any health concerns, like asthma or food allergies, that could crop up while your child is in school.

            Start your school shopping early, that way if you aren’t able to conquer the entire school supply list at once—especially if you have multiple children—you give yourself enough time to get everything over a few weeks.  Some teachers require specific supplies, so save your receipts in case you need to return anything.

            Start getting your kids back into school habits about a week before school begins. This may mean going to bed and waking up earlier than they have been all summer. Get them in the habit of eating breakfast every morning if they don’t already; they will need that fuel to kick start their day once classes are back in session. Also consider limiting the amount of time they spend in front of the TV during certain hours in exchange for reading, puzzles, or games and activities that get their minds working, so that all those hours spent in class won’t be such a shock to the system.

If your child is starting at a new school this year, or maybe even just a new building, it is not a bad idea to let them know ahead of time of what they’ll be facing on the first day of school. Call the school and see if you are allowed to visit before term starts. You can help your child find his classroom, the lunchroom, his locker, the gym, the nurse’s office, and any other important landmarks he should know about.

If your child is really nervous about school it might even be a good idea to see if you can arrange a meeting with the teacher before classes begin, that way there will be at least one friendly face on the first day of school.

If your children, like most, aren’t too excited about the prospect of hitting the books again, there are a few small things you can do to motivate them. Avoid talking about homework or tests, and instead ask about the friends they’ll be seeing for the first time since June, or point out different things about them that their friends will notice, like a new haircut or how much they’ve grown. Even something as simple as a new backpack with their favorite cartoon character on it can make them excited to return to school.

Contributed by Solomon Brenner Author Black Belt Parenting "The Art of Raising Your Child for Success"